Veg-all Vegetarian

Aside from porn and Facespace updates, the web is also good for locating recipes. The problem with this ready availability of endless recipes is, inconsistent variety. Generally though, this is a good thing. It means that there is more than one way to prepare a dish. So, one can feel free to use the recipe(s) as blue-prints for food preparation but ultimately it boils down to 3 things. Fresh ingredients, a general knowledge of food groupings, and creativity. Here is my take on the Garfield Classic.

Ingredients:

• 1 lbs. Lasagna
• 8 oz. pack of fresh mushrooms
• 15 oz. ricotta cheese
• 1 1/2 lbs. tomato sauce
• 1 lbs. mozzarella
• 1/2 onion
• 6 cloves of garlic
• 2 eggs
• 1/2 cup of shaved Parmesan
• 1/3 shredded Parmesan
• 2 zucchinis
• 3 sprigs of fresh basil
• 6 oz. of Spinach
• 2 stalks of broccoli
• panko bread crumbs
• Kosher salt
• Pepper
• Crush red pepper flakes

In a large pot bring to boil the water add the Lasagna. The box will include a recipe as well as cooking instructions. The recipe on the box will indicate that it is not necessary to cook the pasta. That's up to you. I understand that it may cook in the oven, but for me, it would be a waste of food and time if it just so happened to turn out tough and undercooked. So I boil it until it is al dente.

In a large pan with about 2 tablespoons of olive oil sautee the sliced mushrooms, 3 cloves of minced garlic and the half onion chopped. When the mixture is golden brown add the tomato sauce. Add kosher salt, pepper and red pepper flakes to taste. *you may want to add a teaspoon or 2 of sugar to the tomato sauce to cut down the acidity from the tomatoes. I added about a teaspoon and a half.




In another large pan on medium heat, sautee 2 tablespoons of butter with 3 minced garlic cloves. I know, I know, butter is fatty and I already used olive oil for the sauce, but I appreciate the nutty taste of buttery greens. First add the Spinach. It will reduce and once it has add the chopped zucchini. Lastly add the chopped broccoli. * This process is not intended to cook the greens all the way through. It is just to infuse them with the butter. Add a pinch of salt and pepper and set aside.



Lastly, the cheese mix. Here you can use one egg or 2. I chose 2, I don't really have a reason for it, I just did. Mix the ricotta, the grated mozzarella and the 1/2 cup of shaved Parmesan. Add the egg(s). Season the cheese mix with a little more kosher salt. *Remember that both the sauce and the greens have been salted so beware of over salting.

AND FINALLY its time to put it together.

Here is where your creativity comes into play. I am sure there is a certain order in which to layer the lasagna but fuck if I know OR care. I started with the sauce first. Spreading a liberal layer at the bottom of a 9x13 Pyrex dish. Then a layer of pasta. Then a layer of cheese mix. Above the cheese I laid a layer of fresh basil leaves. Layer of noodle. Layer of sauce, layer of green vegi's, layer of noodle, layer of cheese mix, layer of basil, layer of noodle, layer of sauce, layer of vegi's, layer of cheese. etc. Until I ran out of vegi's and cheese. At the top I laid one last layer of pasta, then sauce. On top of the sauce I sprinkled Panko bread crumbs mixed with the 1/3 of shredded Parmesan. Topped off with fresh chopped basil.

In the oven for about 30/35 minutes or until golden brown.

Not for nothing, I think it turned out really well. My sleepy panda who hates vegetables ate every last bite and I even got compliments from my mother who is a foodie Nazi.

P.S. Screw Flanders

TextMex

When I first received a text message from my mother I was amazed. Initially because she called it a "Tex-mex" and then because the act totally betrayed her aversion to anything technological.

It's no secret that I LOVE texting. I prefer it to talking on the phone in fact. Perhaps this comes from my love of the written word. How the letters string together giving birth to beautiful prose. Or how when given a limited space one can cleverly abridge the context of almost any communication; stripping away the fluff and leaving only the essence of meaning. Or maybe it is because I talk on the phone for a living and perpetual speaking is exhausting. 8 hours of constantly yapping makes me hate the sound of my disgusting voice. It makes my ears ring and the idea of listening to people's chatter while off the clock makes me absolutely bat shit. One thing I have learned from my work and from taking public transportation is that 90% of conversations are NOT THAT IMPORTANT! The meat of those conversations can be reduced to a set of characters. "Dinner at 8" "Running Late" "I miss you" "I hate you" etc. Today on the bus I heard a woman talking shit loudly into her phone about a hypochondriac with halitosis. It was funny as all get-out but completely unnecessary and useless noise. She could have sent a simple text that read, "i hate that fucking bitch, she has yuck mouth" end of story.

I also see nothing wrong with intense text battles. The vigorous back and forth becomes a heated Apache dance...ahhh the intrigue. Occasionally however one will be forced to endure the dreaded 'text life story'. This long ass message that reads like a dissertation is annoying but sometimes necessary. In all truth there is probably a reason why that person could not say those things to you in 1.)person to your face or 2.) over the phone in your ear. Maybe you are a terribly defensive person. Maybe you are confrontational and don't listen, maybe they just don't want to have an argument but simply want to just say what they feel. At any rate these text essays are funny and sometimes make nice conversation pieces at cocktail parties and sleepovers.

The moral to this verbose rant:
Phone conversation will NEVER replace actual human interaction. And sadly, human interactions are not always meaningful encounters. Texting and to the same extent, letter writing affords us more time to think about the value of what we are about to convey. Let's face it, WE are by nature really fucking annoying and selfish. When we converse with people half the time we are too busy thinking about what we are going to say next to hear what we are being told. At least if we are in a position where we are forced to read someone's words; a certain level of comprehension could be assumed.

So next time you get a "tex-mex" from me know that above all else; I was thinking about you fondly, and that while I value you for all your disgusting human failings (I have a shit-ton of these); I value your time even more to NOT waste it with dead empty words and useless noise. KIT, TTYL and XOXO *(^-^)

SIDE NOTE: I'm not talking about texting while flying a plane, conducting a train, or driving an automobile. That would be plain stupid.

when the love affair ends

Poisonous nectar
You make everything better

with your false courage.

Buffaro Rings

Ingredients:
1/4 cup soy sauce
6 cloves of crushed, diced garlic

1/2 cup honey
1/3 cup lemon juice

1/4 cup hot sauce

3 tablespoons of butter

salt & pepper

4lbs. of chicken wings

I wanted to make some hot wings for the Superbowl party I would be attending but after brain-farting while at the market and forgetting to buy the key ingredient for classic wings (Frank's RedHot sauce), I decided to MacGyver some wings with the stuff I had in my fridge. After a search of the web I found a lot of recipes with good ideas, but not one recipe that was good enough. So I used my basic math knowledge and applied the old rule of "averages": a little Mean, a little Median, a little Mode later I had my recipe for Oriental style hot wings.

1.) Pre-heat oven to 350 degrees.

2.) I thawed and washed the wings and placed them on a Pyrex baking dish. Sprinkled them with a little bit of sea salt (soy sauce is hella salty so I did not want to use too much salt), some black pepper and the fresh garlic. I baked the wings for about 45 minutes uncovered. (To be completely honest I did not time it exactly, but those wings saw about an hour of oven time altogether.) When they had achieved a nice golden color and were cooked thoroughly, I drained all the fat and saved it for later use in my fantastic fat powered space car. I placed the wings back in the oven to stay warm and to get a little crunchy while I mixed up the other ingredients.

3.) In a large bowl I mixed the dark mushroom soy sauce, lemon juice, honey and Huy Fong chili garlic hot sauce (I really like garlic). I debated using the butter because all the recipes I found online included a stick or so of butter. I figured the honey would act like a glue limiting the need for the butter but I did not want to risk it flavor wise. So I compromised by adding 3 tablespoons into the mixture. (I did not pre-melt the butter because the whole thing would be getting more oven time.)

4.) I poured the wings into the large bowl and tossed/folded together. Then I placed the wings back onto the Pyrex and poured the entire mixture over them and baked for 10 minutes.
5.) Take out, pour into serving dish, share and enjoy.

I'm no iron chef, but these got devoured and not only by me. These bitches were spot on, in fact they can stand to be a little more spicy. Next time, Sriracha your services will be requested!

Sparkle Motion

from left to right: Chanel-Blue Satin, O.P.I-Absolutely Alice, Etude House-BL503, O.P.I-Mad as a Hatter, N.Y.C.-120A

Chanel was a rare treat. Dick and I were drunk and sweaty; Loudly working our way through the Forum shops at the Cesar's Palace. We walked into Chanel and I felt like Elizabeth Berkley in Showgirls. For $25 bucks (gulp) I got me some fancy nail paint. I was excited and then terribly disappointed. Although absolutely stunning, the quality is poor. It started chipping right away and that is not something I expected given the hefty price tag. You can't really tell from this picture; or from live and up close for that matter, but there are tiny sparkles in this polish. A very deep velvety blue that would make a sick color for a ranfla.

This polish was a gift from a friend who traveled to Korea. It too has a subtle sparkle but is longer lasting than the Chanel. I cant read Korean, and I failed to ask my friend what the tag underneath read. It's an obvious shade of blue, slight matte and quick drying. I wore it for about a week. It was able to handle daily wear and tear and then some. (I think this would work nicely as a base color for the 'Absolutely Alice')





'Absolutely Alice' (below) is part of a limited edition collection from O.P.I in tribute to the Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland movie. I love shiny shit, and this polish is as shiny as it comes. I remember having a Maybelline color just like this back in my early 20's. Unfortunately, My Maybelline polish was much tougher than its slightly more expensive doppelganger. The very next day the color began to chip off in clumps. :o(








Also part of the Alice in Wonderland collection is this 'Mad as a Hatter'(below). I creamed my jeans when I saw it. Flecks of gold, red, silver and green glitter make up this carnival in a bottle. A brief tid-bit of useless trivia. Did you know that back in the day hatters used mercury to cure the fur used to make the felt for hats? Sitting in poorly ventilated rooms making hats causing all sorts of infirmities. The shakes, irrational anxiety, missing teeth, madness? Crazy right? I learned that from the dude on Pawn Stars (it's on the History Channel Monday's at 10pm) Shameless plug aside, I learned my lesson from the flaky Alice. I used a base coat with the Mad Hatter. A cheap purple polish that I got at Target a while back did the trick. It's not a name brand expensive polish but I liked it so much I bought two. It also comes in handy during Lakers playoff. Gotta support the team even though Kobe is a scumbag. With two coats of the N.Y.C. and 2 coats of the Mad Hatter I got a long lasting suitable color. I put the polish to the test this weekend when I decided to do some Spring cleaning in the middle of Winter. Some menstrual induced madness no doubt. Boxes filled with old college papers, magazines from early 2000's and lots and lots of dust bunnies were tossed about. These hands saw a lot of action and I sustained only two small chips. Not bad, I expected much more damage.

Speaking of damage. The year is young and the collections out already show a great deal of
promise. I have a growing list of must have colors. I may just have to get me a side job at Sally's before I find myself forced to swear off polish for the year by mid-July.

Birthday Colours

I made a promise to stop buying nail polish for the rest of the year (2009). Thankfully a special exception was made for my birthday in October.

Ocean Love Potion: Sephora by O.P.I

The color is a combination of green and blue. Sephora calls it "Mediterranean turquoise". The pale hue sits perfectly with my skin tone. However at $9 I expected the product to last longer than it did. It started chipping the very next day. :o(

Green-wich Village: O.P.I

A beautiful retro light green. I got some sideways glances for rocking it even though I remember reading somewhere that green was all the rage. (maybe I'm making that up?) It reminds me of Kermit the Frog. $8, classic O.P.I quality. Long lasting. gold star.

Steel-ing the Scene: essie

Speaking of Gold Stars. This was my first experience with essie and I have to say it has made quite the impression. Radiant muted gold with tiny flecks of glitter. AWESOME! great quality, extraordinary shine and long lasting. Worth every penny of the $8 price tag.

5,7,5

"Jesus I'm sorry

I'm such an asshole. Will you

give me a blowjob?"

**

"What's your name again?

I'm gonna get going now.

I'll call you later."

***

from a darker time

Before my rescue from me

when life held no hope.