When i saw the car coming at us as we made that left hand turn, i knew it would hit us. My mind fluttered images of the oncoming car crushing the driver-side door mangling Mr. M legs, glass shattering and destroying his face. Then impact. That sound was everything. I closed my eyes to brace myself for whatever came next. Then a loud pop and smoke and terrible tasting powder filled the car. I yelled his name, he did not respond, i looked at him with panic and fear. He was okay. No glass, no mangled legs. Little Perlita took the brunt of the crash on the side front end of the car. I had no idea she was such a solid little car. We walked away from it with bruises and scraps and a lot of soreness. I am worried about what will happen now. What the other guy, a junkie Okie with seemingly expired insurance will do, what the insurance company will say. But mostly i cant stay away from Mr. M. He calls me to ask me to come over so we can just be together. and the need for closeness is mutual. It is as if this event made us both feel that we could be gone at any moment and we are desperately holding on for now. (at least i am)
As i drove johnny B home i began to think about how detached we are from the reality of death. I know people that buy and save items for a house they will eventually move into that they have never even seen. People who collect baby clothes for a child they don't even have. Notebooks filled with pictures of dresses for a wedding that is not even a reality yet. But we don't plan to die. Death is really the only sure thing we all have in common, yet we put off planning for it till we are old or infirmed. My drivers licence says i am an organ donor, so why cant the DMV keep a record of what i want to happen to my body after my death as well? Instructions for handling, nothing complicated, just the basics, like bury or cremate.
This all sound so morbid, but i would feel liberated and unencumbered by the knowledge that those arrangements have already been made, letting me focus on living my life everyday fully aware of its temporal nature. enjoying and living and being and loving, celebrating life, fully.
