3 strikes you're out

When my brother and I loitered around abandoned parking lots in our youth stoned and listless we dreamt up a fantasy of owning our very own roach-coach. One rivaling all roach-coaches that came before it. Years later, stoners all over L.A. brought to life OUR dream of the reinvented Lonchera. Popping up all over the city; in the valley, the westside, the eastside, the inland empire EVERYWHERE, food trucks were the newest and latest craze. One notable trailblazing venture was the Kogi Truck. As a lover of anything short-rib, I dutifully followed the twitter thread identifying when the truck would be in my hood. Apparently everyone else and their american apparelled best friend had done so too.

The first time I went to catch up with the truck I circled the street several times, parked blocks away to wait in line just to be told that the line ended with the person right in front of me. OKAY, that happens; I guess. The second attempt was at the failed Los Angeles Art Walk @ the LACMA where the line was an exhibit all its own (pictured above, look closely; it goes on and on) RI-GOD-DAMN-DICULOUS!!! Third time around (with a high level of trepidation) I drove past the truck saw the line and kept on truckin'. From that moment on I vowed not only to boycott KOGI, but to talk mad shit about it. Vilifying it in a cartoon hatred kind of way.

Then one Wednesday a year later while driving through Glendale, there it was. No line, plenty of parking and with hunger pangs directing the vehicle, I found myself in line to try the infamous Kogi. It was like waiting to meet the Beatles. The anticipation was palpable. (roll eyes here)

(not an original picture. Taken from http://kogibbq.com/category/menu/)

Lets be clear, My BREAKFAST burrito looked nothing like the one pictured on their website(above). AND nothing on the menu identified that it would be a breakfast burrito. Wet eggs, green onions, some soy sauce, cheap cheese, limp kimchi and some miserable pieces of short rib comprised my 'Food Fusion" burrito experience. It was not grilled and while it was slightly larger than I expected, it was $5 of filler, not meat.



The Belle of the Ball was the KIMCHI Quesadilla!!!

One large tortilla folded in half covered in sriracha and sesame seeds. Filled with Monterrey jack cheese and with what the white girl in front of me called "ki-mi-chi" with a hint of ginger. It was exceptional. Spicy and cheesy and perfectly priced at 3 bucks. Except it actually cost $5 and is therefore too beau-coup for moi.

I'm glad I got to finally try it, but Kogi left this reviewer ice cold. Which begs the question, is anything "fusion" ever good?

Check the website: http://kogibbq.com/ for a location near you.

our taco

6300 York Blvd #4, Highland Park,CA 90042

I like to tackle the hardest of hard hitting issues. Serious earth shattering, globally conscious shit like, does Diet Dr. Pepper REALLY taste like regular Dr. Pepper? And whether or not ‘My Taco’ is “authentic” or “white people” Mexican food.

To truly put the matter to rest we first have to dissect what “authentic” and what “white people” encompasses. Naturally, I take authentic to mean a representation of something that is in close proximity to the original inception. Where as what “white people” means is a matter worthy of some graduate school dissertation. That being said, I will naively conclude, for the purpose of this analysis that “white people” refers to the watering down, or commercialization of whathaveyou: in this case Mexican food. (Not that there is anything necessarily and automatically wrong with that as i will explore later.)

‘My Taco’ is one of my favorite neighborhood haunts. The décor is a cross between the set of some silly telenovella and pee wee’s playhouse with Frida-like chotchkies hanging all over the walls. The restaurant is always cleans and well ventilated: a great place to escape the heat and enjoy your meal. The staff is friendly; the menu is vast and affordable. I don’t remember where I first read about ‘My Taco’, I do however remember a reviewer raving about steak fries, which mystified me and filled me with intrigue. But much to my chagrin the steak fries were nothing more than thick crispy fries covered with carne asada, sour cream, guacamole and cheese. Not necessarily a Mexican delicacy, but more of a delicious hybrid of America conception, likes deep dish pizza. My initial disappointment was put at bay when I dug deep and attacked my mountain of cheese steak fries ($5.99) definitely a dish you may consider sharing, or not.

{authentic steak fries ;o) }

Since that first day I’ve ordered several things from the menu, usually restricting myself to the basics, quesadillas ($2.75), tortas ($4.75), and potato tacos ($1.49). But this time in an effort to delve deep into the issue of “authentic” food, I ordered the house specialty, BARBACOA DE BORREGO/marinated lamb ($5.99 small). I only remember eating this particular dish as a kid when the families got together for a quinceanera or Christmas, stuff like that. I was a little apprehensive, but when the plate came to the table, there could be nothing unauthentic about it. The slow cooked meat was tender and full of flavor, served with a cup of consume, and corn tortillas. The fixin’s come on the pate, but you can get more from the condiment station. No question in my mind that I will be ordering this dish again.

(Barbacoa de Borrego)

So, is MY TACO white people food or authentic Mexican food? 1.) Does it really matter? And 2.) Who really cares! It’s delicious, why are we so hesitant to welcome food evolutions? The important thing to remember is that in the depths of the kitchen we will probably find some Mexican cook, and how can we begin to say that he is not adding authentic flair to the dishes? I’ll tell you what is white people Mexican food, meat marinated in pasta sauce and basil stuffed in a cold tortilla, but what did I expect when I ordered a burrito in Germany!?!
P.S. I ordered a large horchata ($2.25) @ 'My Taco' and it was perfect sweet!

BYOBB

The extra B is for Burgers. I know what you're thinking, "For $5 bucks I can get 5 burgers at McDowell's", but we all know that fast food burgers generally lack the texture, and distinct flavor of those found in the backyard variety. Also, if you throw in a 32 of your favorite malt liquor and the company of your two favorite foodies, this can work out to be a pretty good deal.

Wednesday nights at the Echo Park restaurant, 'the PARK' is "$5 Burger Night" which includes a burger and a side. One of my two dining companions had eaten at 'the Park' once before and remembered it being BYOB. I checked the website and although i found the letters BYOB on certain nights, it was unclear if that was their general policy. Being the classy, respectful, upstanding citizen that i am, and given the lack of clarity on the matter, i smuggled in my own hooch and its a good thing i did. Apparently, the news of the "$5 Burger Night" has spread to all corners of Hipsterville and characters straight out of the latest Urban Outfitters catalog swarmed the narrow entrance to be seated. We had to wait about 35 minutes for a table. There was no list to put my name down on, and the hostess seemed aggravated and bothered. I mentioned to her that we would be outside waiting and she apathetically responded, "oh". Come to think of it, she did not even come out to fetch us when the table was ready, we just happen to be hovering around the patio and saw that one of the tables had opened up.

The decor of the establishment seemed nice from what i could ascertain from my skewed vantage perspective. Service was lax: it took a long time to take our order and bring out our food. Not to mention they were out of fries. But the wait was made bearable thanks to the 32oz I was nursing. As for the sides, i was glad they were out of fries, because the other two side options: potato salad and cole slaw were far better than i expected. The slaw was sweet and crisp and the potato salad-made with red potatoes (skins on) was not laden with mayonnaise and included fresh crisp celery.

The catch is that the introductory $5 price only includes the plain burger. You can build your own by choosing from a 6oz. sirloin burger or a veggie burger. Any fixins' are gonna run you an extra $1 for: cheddar, gruyere or blue cheese, mushrooms & garlic, caramelized onion, crispy onions or home-made aioli. Add for $1.50 for: applewood bacon. And add $2 for avocado.

(example of build your own with Avocado and Cheddar w/ potato salad)

They also have some pre-fabricated choices, like the "Who Shot J. R?"(pictured below left)which comes with bacon, cheddar, BBQ sauce & caramelized onions for $8. OR you can get a vegetarian option for $7 called,"The Club Med" (below right) which includes olive relish, crispy onions and gruyere.

I made the mistake of ordering my "J.R" medium well. The avocado Cheddar burger was ordered medium, and that was definitely the tastier burger. The bread was excellent, and the "club med" was absolutely exquisite. All the ingredients were fresh and of the highest quality. Too bad the same cannot be said about the service. Overall a great dining experience soiled only by lackluster service. But I should not be surprised, in true Hispster tradition, they are too cool for this planet and are doing me a favor by letting me eat at their restaurant. Which is why i did not feel bad pulling a Rachel Ray-$40 a day, and stiffing them on the tip.

At prices like this, I almost did not mind picking up the tab. ALMOST.

The Park Restaurant

1400 Sunset Blvd at the corner of Douglas in Echo Park

Dinner hours:Wed/Thurs/Sat/Sun 5:30-10:00

Lunch hours:Tues - Fri 11:00-2:30

Brunch hours: Sat / Sun 10:00-2:00

Sun & Sea

Mar Y Sol Restaurant: 6011 N. Figueroa St. Los Angeles, CA 90042
Open 7 days a week, for breakfast lunch and dinner


Nestled in a strip mall; in picturesque Highland Park, sandwiched between what i suspect to be a rub and tug massage parlour, a laundry mat overrun by savage rogue children and an El Pollo Loco, is Carolina's Mar Y Sol Restaurante. I don't know a whole lot about Salvadorean dishes, but a sign outside promises $1.60 Pupusas-everyday and i like pupusas. Also, i like a bargain even though i am always hesitant to try things that have not been previously recommended.

A pupusa is like a sope except stuffed with the meat/cheese/bean mix

The little restaurant was dead, aside from the belligerent man loitering out in front asking me why i was taking pictures of the place. (Questioning which prompted me to order my food to go and not take pictures of the inside of the joint.) The place is small but has seven numbered sitting sections, a picture menu above the ordering window with no prices listed, and mirrors on both flanking walls. Overall, it is nice and clean. Carolina will gladly take Visa and Master Card but will charge you an extra dollar for the service, so bring cash. The Menu for $1.60 pupusas includes 3 options: Revueltas, Frijol con Queso, and Mixtas. I ordered one of each, and for a little over 5 bucks and a 10 minute wait, i got a side of curtido, tomato sauce and a satisfactory meal.

Now the thing about curtido, like anything, its not always good. (This one was not, it smelled like feet, and not in a good way like a good aged cheese). It's like sauerkraut or kimchi, the general idea of a pickled product is achieved but some are far better executions of the intended product than others. Also, most if not all Salvadorian dishes are not spicy. So the tomato sauce is just that, a watery non spicy tomato sauce. As for the pupusas. I was betting that the Frijoles con Queso/Bean and Cheese was going to be the winner, i was dead wrong. The Mixtas/which includes meat(pork) and cheese was by far the best. Revuelta which is a mixture of beans, cheese and meat was a close second and the beans and cheese were my least favorite. But oh boy did i love that Mixta! Next time i'm down there getting my "neck" massaged, i am going to pick up 3 mixtas pupusas.

SIDE NOTE: i picked up a printed menu for this Salvadorian/Mexican/American restaurant, and the regular prices for other pupusas are $2.25. Most combination plates are roughly $8.50. The food is a little on the pricey side, aside from the advertised discounted pupusas. Be advised.

Weathered Sandal

Huarache Azteca Restaurante: 5225 York Blvd Los Angeles, CA 90042

With rave reviews in notable publications like the LA TIMES, the LA WEEKLY, and Los Angeles Magazine, just to name a few; its no wonder i eagerly looked forward to trying the "Huaraches" at my neighbourhood "gem" of the same moniker, 'Huarache Azteca Restaurants' in Highland Park. At the risk of disagreeing with the pseudo culinary expertise of YELPers far and wide, this brick pile is a 2.5 star joint, AT BEST.

Maybe i am being too hard on this place because i grew up eating Mexican food or maybe all the praise and hype I heard about it falsely raised my expectations, whatever it was, I can honestly say that i gave it the ol' college try. I once read an article about rules to writing food reviews that included a list of do's and dont's. I found the list redundant and obvious but one rule that seemed logical was that in order to review a restaurant fairly, one had to try it more than once, and that is just what i did.

ROUND 1: I sampled the famous huarache, a torta and a taco de suadero. Everything aside, I will say that the price was right! With the drink included, i barely broke 10 bucks, but as the popular adage goes, "you get what you pay for." I was not impressed by the elongated deep fried sope-like tosada that is the huarache. It's deep fried and deceptively chewy, not crunchy as you would expect it to be. The asada meat lacked flavor, and the crema cheese that was poured over it was runny and thin. The torta was just okay, and the suadero was absolutely terrible. (For a good torta go to My Taco on York, also in Highland Park, and for the best suadero, Taco Zone in Echo Park. Its a truck parked on Alvarado right by VONS)

(that shiny pool in the top corner, is yummy greasy)

ROUND 2: This time I went with something different. 2 sopes and a burrito. AGAIN, the meat needed flavor and the sopes were a greasy fried crunchy mess. As a rule i always order burritos "sin arroz/without rice" because that way you get the most meat. This pathetic little burrito was full of dry beans and unsavory meat. (For good sopes try Senor Fish or King Taco, there are several locations in and around Los Angeles. As for the asada, my personal favorite cheap meaty 2 hand burrito is @ Estrella, open 24 hrs. located on Figueroa Blvd, in Highland Park*ask for the red sauce, its the BEST!)

The first time i ordered my food to go, the second time i ate in house. The place was packed with an authentic cross section of the community with an eclectic mix of characters filling the living room sized restaurant while lethargic flies hovered in and around the patrons faces and food. Ummm, sanitary.

In the end, it really is of no consequence how good or bad their sorry ass "chanclas" are because this place is inexpensive. As much as I disliked the food, I may entertain the idea of going back to try the chilaquiles and maybe one of those aguas frescas they boast about. Which I must admit, looked very refreshing. I had the horchata during round 2. I find that one can gauge the quality of the food in a Mexican restaurant by how good the horchata is. This one was just okay, too much ice and not sweet enough. On second though, I'm not going back to that shit pile, i make some excellent chilaquiles...

My cheap coochie

I've been on a coochie roll but i promise, this my friends, is the end. I went to the market and bought all the supplies to make my own hot diggities (that's what my old lady calls 'hot dogs', she's foreign). I pulled out the abacus and did the math:

Per Dog

fancy mustard: .o6 cents

Kraut: .85 cents

Bread: .41 cents

Sausage: .41 cents

Total: $1.73 per dog

(there is a sausage under all that mustard, i swear)

Moral of the coochie madness story is that its always cheaper if you do this shit yourself at home. Not to mention, all that shit comes in packs so you have extra food to feed your friends, the neighbors, or yourself 6 times throughout the week. A very wise little Asian boy once told me, "when you eat out, don't pay for shit you can easily make yourself, order something you cant make at home."

Tommy's has Best coochie

There is nothing like an exhausting day in Satan's lair to make a man not hell bent on fixin' viddles. I was tired and feeling lazy. So as i drove down Colorado on my way home dreading a cold cuts sangwitch for dinner, i remembered that i pass a Tommy's en route. And i thought, (at the risk of getting an attack of violent diarrhea) why the hell not. I pulled into the drive-thru and for $2.25 i got this filthy, disgusting, gut busting chili-cheese dog. Uh! GET SOME! You can see the grease glisten off the yellow wrapper which is clearly an indication of its vast nutritional goodness. Okay, okay, it's not made of rattlesnake, rabbit, and endangered snow leopard; but for $2.25 this is a hearty hot dog. And if you count that giant wedge of tomato and the half dozen pickles, this bitch is almost, almost-in healthy salad territory.
Also, as i was doing my laundry on Sunday i found that Trader Joe's sells a 6-pack of the Spaten Optimator for $7.99. Sacrilicious.

Worst-coochie gives good sausage!

The place is actually called Wurstkuche (with an umlaut over the second u). Its located on 800 East 3rd Street in L.A. I read about it in Los Angeles Magazine's May issue:cheap eats, and it came highly recommended by fellow foodies as a must try. Technically, i am violating the food blog rule by reviewing a spot that i have only visited once. But in my defense i was there with Mr. M and he ordered something different from me, and we sampled each others orders.

First of all, the 'purveyors of exotic grilled sausages' have a great set up. A fabulous menu which includes awesome German and Belgium BEERS. An even more fabulous layout, with a spacious cafeteria style dining room flooded with natural light during the day. (the tables are removed to make way for a dance floor @nite) The crowd is a mix of the business set and hipsters who wear their sunglasses indoors while they eat. An apple lap top is set up in a corner providing the soundtrack to your meal.

That being said, i am not entirely sure why this place was reviewed as being a cheap eat location in Los Angeles. The 2 exotic dogs we ordered ran us $15.50, (Buffalo, Beef & Pork w/Chipotle Peppers topped w/ caramelized onions and Sauerkraut pictured above) and the 2 frosty beers were an added $12.00.(Spaten Optimator- 7.2% ABV pictured below) The buns are not especially soft nor sweet nor sourdoughie (in a good way). They are in fact, a little too big to house the sausage. And even with the 2 free toppings they throw in, i am not entirely sure that this is a great cheap eats deal. All this aside Wurstkuche offers a fantastic experience and i definitely recommend it to any and all sausage and beer lovers. This place does not need my 2cents, nor my $27.74 for that matter. As we were leaving, there was a considerable line forming to order dogs or beer. But i don't live Downtown, nor work there, nor "party" there so its unlikely that i will go back. This place reminded me of PINKS; also a Los Angeles hot dog landmark that always seems to have a DMV type line flanking its establishment. I see big things and a promising future for this place. However, for my money, i think I'll stick to one of those good ol' victory dogs: a hot dog wrapped in bacon topped with onions and green peppers that you can buy on any street corner after a game, concert, show, night out at the local pub for about $2.50.