R.I.P? Hello Kitty

I meet a girl in HELL who was willing to drive me to Hello Kitty’s 35th anniversary “3 apples exhibition” in the Westside Royal T-bag gallery. It was the night of Hello Kitty’s Masquerade Party and it was horrendous. I made the girl pay for our pizza later that night when we failed to get into the party. Without saying too much more about that debacle, it was from that night on that my relationship with HK began to grow frigid. I did recently buy myself a lovely but poorly constructed, smelly overnight bag with some birthday money my mom handed to me like Ginger from “Casino” handed money to valets in exchange for blow. But even that ‘small gift, big smile’, could not erase the memory of my disgust with HK from that night. When Hello Kitty unceremoniously put on her leather jacket, strapped on the water skies and jumped the proverbial shark.

HOWEVER. Even though I’m done drinking the Hello Kitty Kool-aid, I am not ready to leave Sanrio town altogether. Sanrio has a shit-ton of awesome characters that are way cooler than that over-rated feline. Who has to coincidentally be some kind of special cunt to keep her twin sister out of the limelight all these years. Mimmy is reportedly “a little shy” and has a “different” personality and she allegedly wears a yellow bow on her right ear to help tell them apart. I wonder if HK is really that big of an attention whore or is Mimmy maybe like Rain Man? Is Mimmy mentally retarded? Is she really fat and depressed? Is she volunteering for Green Peace? Has she turned states evidence and is in witness protection? Or maybe having to live in her sister’s shadow all her life has driven her to hit the pipe really hard? Regardless of what affliction plagues this reclusive puss, she still deserves long awaited adulation and is potentially way cooler than her played out twin in my opinion.

Note: Clearly it is unrealistic for me to claim that I will quit Hello Kitty cold turkey. As Mr. M pointed out; I am addicted. Disgruntled and bitter but a junky nonetheless. A junky who will be trading in her red bow for a yellow one. baby steps...