(At the risk of sounding like a bad 'sex in the city' monologue...) Someone once told me that when it came to relationships the person who cared least about it, controlled it. For the most part i was resolved to believe that it was true. Until i applied the terms of that idea to my current relationship.
When i first heard that adage it made so much sense to me. My whole relationship history was defined in those terms. Trying to get the guy to notice me, to call me, to like me, to love me, to care and in every single one of those situations he/them/they controlled the "relationship" by mere virtue of not caring. I realize now that those situations although being unions of sorts, were completely void of any real human relation, merely indulgent manifestations of fear and loneliness.
Last night, when I was lying in bed restlessly trying to sleep regretting having eaten all that Starbucks Java Chip Frappuccino ice cream, my thoughts wandered to my current relationship and i asked myself, 'who cares less?' i was completely stumped, i realized that neither one of us was leveraging control to manipulate the feelings of the other person. I thought at first that i was being naive, and that i was in denial not willing to admit who really controlled our relationship. Then i realized that we both controlled this partnership. Yes of course what a keen concept, that this was indeed a partnership; a mutual investment of time, energy and resources with both parties equally committed to the success of the endeavor. Now-now, lets not start throwing rice and registering for gifts just yet. Like in any partnership, both parties have a commitment to its success or lack thereof and must agree to sever said partnership when it has become mutually unbeneficial. I know, i know, I am so cynical and that may sound callous in terms, but that whole romanticized idea that true love should be tragic and devastating, heart wrenching and difficult is best reserved for trashy dime store novellas and passionate foreign films. In real life, lovers are not required to suffer through painful unfruitful relationships and merely accept that one party is destined to not care and the other destined to surrender control. Why should anyone endure a sense of helplessness for the sake of "love"?
I came to the conclusion that perhaps that adage was true for me at least at some point in my past life, and it may be true for people everywhere, all over the universe but it sure as shit doesn't have to be. i say- agree to have a beautiful mutually respectful partnership in which control is surrounded. If it is control ye seek; a shitty one-sided sado-masochistic relationship ye shall find. Besides, who really wants to be in a relationship with a careless, selfish asshole jerk anyways? ni que estuviera tan bueno el guey!
